Remembering Rosalie

I'm going to hand over today's blog entry to my daughter, Rachel, who happens to be a teriffic writer and a loving sister and daughter.

Finding Rosalie

Since I was so young, I wasn’t aware of her health issues. But my parents and everyone else knew that Rosalie had been sick from the day she was born. We didn’t worry about it when she was alive though. We wanted to spend all the time we had with her, even if wasn’t very long.

In mid-March, we decided to get out and show Rosalie the world. We took her to a small nature center, Trustom Pond. As I ran through the man-made paths, Mom pushed Rosalie in the stroller. I eventually slowed down, and became tired of running and looking at the small ponds with snapping turtles. I walked with Mom and Rosalie. Everything was perfect.

****
I still remember the white wicker crib in the living room. I always stood by its side, whenever Rosalie was in it. We used to wind up the Mickey Mouse mobile, to play a repeated song, breaking the silence of our drafty old house. Rosalie’s eyes were fixed on the mobile, mesmerized by its motions. Her soft multi-colored blanket was wrapped around her, and her wool hat tucked over her head. I loved her so much, and was around her every second I could.

****
In April, Rosalie wasn’t doing well. Her health was failing, and on April 17, 1998, she died. I don’t remember it at all, but pictures, and my parents memories, remind me of her and the situation. Since my dad was working at the high school the time, and had previously worked at the middle school, everyone in the School System knew him very well. We got so much support from the schools, neighbors, and friends brought us prepared foods for us to make, so we wouldn’t have to worry about cooking during this stressful time.

***

I look back on this event, and even though I don’t remember much, I think of her every time I visit her grave, where we always clean up the fallen rose petals(we always put roses down in memory of her name). Every time I go there, I look at the poem my dad wrote which is carved into her grave, silently praying and thinking about her. I look up to the sky and smile, telling her everything is going to be alright. I wonder what my life would be like if she were still here. I wonder what she would look like, and If my life would be different.

******

The only memories I have are from the pictures tucked away in a closet downstairs. We only have two pictures of the four of us together taken at the hospital when she was born. After that, there are few pictures of her including one in my room.
I remember driving in the car one night and exclaiming, “Mom, I know where Rosalie is, she is in my heart!”
“Yes, Rachel, she is in your heart.”
“And she always will be,” I said.

****
At that point, I finally realized that Rosalie would forever be with us, even if she wasn’t physically here. But my family and close friends know she was forever in our hearts. Dad said to me one time, “Rosalie has a special place in your heart,” and I always remembered that. So although she wasn’t here long, in our minds and hearts, she would always be here for me and my family.

**
Rosalie can be in the blue and pink photo frame, or the charm on my grandmother’s pin. She can also be found in a small basket in Mom’s drawer, her hospital bracelet and pink hats. I secretly find it sometimes and look at all the treasures in the woven box. But I know one thing, that I found her; and she’s in my heart.

****

In Memory of
ROSALIE

Born January 29, 1998
Died April 18, 1998

Leaf after Leaf
flower after flower
some in the dawn of day
some in the after hour.
Alive they flourish,
and alive they fall
and the earth that sustained them
receives them in fall.