I was just going to leave these photos of Jewel here and not write anything. But I guess I can add that these last few days have been a roller-coaster ride of emotion. I have been thinking too much, worrying too much(my sister is going in for surgery at the end of this week, and I don't know how that and the recovery is going to go) and just feeling at loose ends in general.I have been irradiated----
-six mammograms two weeks ago,
then six more yesterday,
and then an X-ray of my jaw at the dentist's this morning (a picture was needed for my insurance to prove I need a crown replacement).
Surely, that can't be good.
I did get a HUGE amount of relief when I was told after the second round of boob squeezing and squashing yesterday that everything looks fine and come back in a year. Even though I was happily stunned that I got the positive reading and found out not more than fifteen minutes after, I think I was so geared up for bad news, that I started crying in the parking lot after I got out of the building.
I have been on the verge of tears a lot lately. Listening to the news(alone at work one day, listening to the radio in the workshop, and there was an interview with a veterinarian and she was discussing what it feels like to euthanize her client's pets and I started losing it), while reading, looking at my daughter (and thinking where is my baby?)--I get so emotional.
Even though I thought I was doing a good job about not worrying over going back for more mammograms over the weekend, it must have been behind my weepiness and social anxiety(wanted to go home early from a dinner party Saturday night) the last few days.
At least I have had my nearly constant companion by my side, my little black beastie girl, Miss Jewel.
I took these photos of her as we waited...and waited...in the car at the school late yesterday afternoon for R to get out after track and field practice. It is difficult to truly capture Jewel's beauty and cute expression because of the fact that she is mostly black and black dogs are notoriously hard to photograph. I have been noticing articles lately (like this one here), about the majority of unadopted dogs remaining in shelters being black dogs. Is it that they don't look as cute compared the the more photogenic lighter colored dogs(eyes appear brighter and thus possibly more endearing against lighter colored fur) or that people are frightened by black dogs, in general?
All I know is when we came across the litter of mixed breed puppies(three black, three fawn colored) on the lawn of a house in our neighborhood nearly six years ago, my daughter immediately picked up the dog we have to this day, announcing she was the one she wanted to take home.
14 comments:
big hugs for all the emotional turmoil. i'm glad you're ok. and for what it's worth? i look at my 12 yr old daughter sometimes and get weepy, seems like i was rocking her to sleep just yesterday.
we have a big black lab, leah (she's 105 lbs). she's gorgeous, at least i think so, and so sweet and loving. we got her from the pound; the hubs says she picked him.
Ah, your doggy is simply gorgeous.;) I can imagine how much you love her.;)
In regards to your emotions, don't I just recognize this. I can start crying just because I read something in the paper, hear something on the radio or watch something on the TV. I can start crying over a memory or over something in my life that doesn't feel right. Sometimes I just cry for no reason at all. I am need of therapy for sure!:P
I have (on numerous occasions) called P in the middle of the night as I was having a panic attacks. It is strange that we women get worked up over things and at times, it happens subconsciously and comes to the surface when we are relaxed, like in the night.
I am sending you positive thoughts and many hugs; I am happy to hear that everything went well at the doctors and my thoughts are with you and your sister. I am so protective of mine (little sister), so I can understand how you feel.
Sorry for this somewhat extensive comment and for - I am sure- zillions of typos.
xoxo
Z
I am so sorry things have been such a roller coaster for you lately Tina, I had no idea! Hugs To You :)
Jewel is an amazingly beautiful dog. I have noticed that a lot of black dogs are always up for adoption as it seems the lighter color ones are taken quick. Funny thing is, both times we have adopted our dogs I had choices but went to them, the color had nothing to do with it, just after touching them and holding them, I knew each was mine! Those are lovely pictures of her. I am so sorry to hear about your sister, I don't know whats going on but I will pray for you & her!
Those were tears of joy in the parking lot. I am happy for your good news. Do you glow in the dark now.
Love the pics of Jewel in her fancy pink and white collar.
Best wishes to your sis for a speedy recovery. ♥Rosemary
love your dog, she is so cute.
we all go through the emotional turmoil. I have been feeling sorry for myself lately. being a little bitter about things and weepy about others. Isn't being a woman grand?
{{{{Tina}}}} You have a lot to be emotional about. I am so happy to read that your last mammo was ok.
I love black dogs. I had one years ago when I was married - a flat-coated retriever - and she was sooo beautiful. Thank you for sharing your photos of Jewel.
Hang in there, Spring is going to help.
i so know you how you feel, tina. i've been trying to figure out if it's an age thing, but i hate to think of that. maybe it's that we're artsy types, and super evolved, and feeling the world more than most? let's go with that.
jewel is beautiful. (and lexi's mostly black too.)
big hugs!
j
She is beautiful Tina, especially in the last photo.
I feel for you with all that anxiety, I really do. Just let it all out and if you need to cry, just cry because it never does good keeping it in. Just know it isn't so bad.
Hugs..
Oh Tina...life can be tough at times isn't it!
I'm glad your examination turned out to be ok after all but I can so imagine how you ended up in tears!
We think and worry way too much (I know too well ;-).
Be kind to yourself for a while girl, just pamper yourself a little, we just need it from time to time!
Thinking of you!
X
Miss Jewel is a rare ..gem indeed! My mum's labrador - Blanche - wasn't as photogenic as Jewel!(I'll email you a photo to compare!) Positive thinking does wonders, Tina. When I had an x-ray of my jaw taken 2 years ago, I only had one solution : implants. In less than 3 months I had to go through surgery. The first operation lasted 3 hours, the second about an hour. Had 8 tooth implants. But now I can smile again without feeling embarrassed! Thinking positive seems to improve our health. I used to be VERY emotional. I was on the verge of tears for trivial reasons! But I'm working on it now. Huge hug! and lots of filakia!!!
I'm glad the last squeezing exams turned out OK! It surely must be a great relief.
We women are tough, and can take and deal with a lot, but we are humans also and we are bound to break at some point, especially when a number of things pile up. I hope things will go well with your sister; best of wishes and positive vibes all the way to RI. You are a strong woman.
The good thing you have Jewel! She is so pretty. I think black dogs are very elegant. I have had a number of black dogs in the past - and two at the moment! - and they caught up the eye of every walking neighbor. Now that you mention it, they are difficult to photograph. I've tried with Lucas and Mateo and it's quite difficult to find the angle where they will actually show up in the picture :-))
~C.K.,
I know what you mean about looking at the 12 yr old DD(mine is nearly 14 now)--I had a peek at her one night recently--she had fallen asleep and was lying in such a way that I could ALMOST still see the baby with the two fingers in her mouth(she did that until she was 8).
~Ms. Z,
It is comforting in a weird way that I hear others like yourself admitting to these hyper-emotional feelings and those panicky moments. I guess it means we are not dead and can FEEL and we are women..LOL! Thanks SO much for your positive words and I never mind a long comment by you at all!
~RoseAnn,
Nothing too bad was going on--just my inner mood lately, so it could have been worse. Thanks, too, for your concern abut my sister. I am she'll be fine, too(hernia surgery)--she'll be looked after by friends and family afterall. She has had some rotten luck these last months, and maybe after this last hurdle, she'll be on the other side of things.
~Rosemary,
Tears of joy--or relief!
Jewel's collar is actually getting a little ratty and faded and she(meaning me) has her eye on a new one(pink anbd green argyle)for her birthday.
~~Thanks, Doreen!
As I said--sometimes I simply cannot fully capture her cuteness, so I was pleased with these photos.
I know that feeling sorry for myself feeling-guess we all go through it. Then it passes and we try our best to move on and live.
~~Erin,
Those flat coated retrievers are one of my favorite breeds when I watch the dog shows, but I never see anyone arond here with one.
Yes, I am feeling rejuvenated already with that behind me--thanks for the virtual hug.
~Judy,
Ah, another hug. :-) My husband said much the same thing that you wrote--and it isn't such a bad thing overall.
~Arty,
I like that last photo of Jewel the best, too. And you are absolutely right--it ISN'T that bad, really.
~Marcelle,
Thanks very much for the caring comment. I usually DO pamper myself, but gave up shopping for Lent. Darn! J and I are going out to a special restaurant tomorrow, though.
~Anastasia,
You do such a great job of staying positive, I know.
I can't imagine going through those surgeries for eight teeth at once--but as you said, now you have a great smile! (and hurray for modern dentistry, I always say)
I'll be checking out your e-mail and "Blanche" in a short while...
~Claus,
Aww, girl, thanks for those words.
You are right about black dogs looking elegant-especially in the sunlight. Great names for dogs--Lucas and Mateo.
~
Jewel is so pretty, that last picture just makes me want to pet her head! So cute!
Glad things are going well with you health wise.
I can't listen to things like that cause I'd be a bawling mess. All my friends know not to talk to me about hurt animals, etc.
GF,I'm so happy to hear your mammogram results were fine!!!:) I'm like you - can cry over almost everything... But just like your friends above don't consider it a bad thing, not at all!!!:)
Hope your sister's operation will be successful and she'll recover quickly!!!:)
And yes, your Jewel is such a beautiful creature!!!:)
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