I worry about too many things but mostly I worry about very small things that happen at work.
I have lain awake at 3:00 in the morning(what is it about that particular time that most people wake up then to worry over things?) many times over the last few years, stressing over something I thought I did wrong or not right on the job and the problem would loom larger and larger.
Next morning, my worries would be gone and it turned out not to have been a problem at all. In fact, just yesterday I had a customer come in who was raving about the fantastic job I did framing a golf flag for him, when I had been so nervous a month ago when we framed it--fearing he would notice a slight stain that was on it(we never knew if it was there beforehand or we somehow did it). And yes, I had spent a sleepless early morning hour or two fretting over it. And it turned out to not be an issue at all. Like most of the things that keep me awake .
But something happened this afternoon that is making me worry all over again.
Now I know I'll be up worrying at 3:00 this morning because I am already worrying now. Worried that I have made a customer angry.
I closed shop today(boss away on vacation and the co-worker that usually does it was out) and was nervous(slightly) about all the little details that go into shutting the place down, because I rarely do it(normally, my schedule allows me to leave an hour and a half before closing time).
Shut off the compressor,
turn off the press,
lower the heat,
off with the lights,
money counted and credit sent for settlement
--just a few things to do before the alarm is turned on and the place locked up.
So...I was wanting to be sure I had everything done and was ahead of schedule and had the sign in the door already flipped to "closed" a few minutes before 5:00. As I was walking away from the door, I noticed a black Jeep with the door open and parked in front. I wasn't sure if this was a person who had wanted to come in, though. I thought that if they really wanted to get in(and had seen me inside) they might have knocked on the glass(that has happened before).
So I continued on with what I was doing, and then noticed the Jeep driving off.
Then...only then, did I begin to think I should have investigated and actually opened the door to see if that customer wanted to come in(since it was not technically closing time-- a few minutes before). So, yeah, now I feel all guilty(thought about it all the way home) and I feel I should have waited until after 5:00 to lock up. I feel like now I am going to get some angry call in the morning from that person. That it will get to my boss(or the other boss who runs a different location) and they'll be angry with me.
Crap.
Is this ridiculous or what? A grown woman stressing over this? Should I grow a spine?(yes..) Should I be taking some kind of medication??!
Realistically, I know the world will not end even if this person really did want to come in and drove off angry. I certainly wouldn't lose my job over it.
But why do I so easily feel guilty or I should have done better? It wasn't the worst thing in the world--not like I killed someone, right? It was close to "closing" time. These are the things I am trying to think to convince myself to not feel so bad about it.
*sigh*
If anyone can tell me they go through the same emotions, it might make me feel better.
Or else there was something in my upbringing that causes me to think and worry like a naughty child about so many things.
I almost wasn't going to publish this(baring my soul and my silly anxieties to the public might not be the best thing, after all).
Just writing it down was somewhat therapeutic for me,though.
