What a Difference a...

*4:00-ish, early December by the sea wall *

*****

....sunny and calm day in December can make.
Yesterday was wild and rainy and cold with the waves crashing right over the seawall. It was grey with icy rain pelting against the windows and the lights had to be on in the house almost all day. If it hadn't been for the fact that it was my husband's birthday(he took the day off and in his typical philosophical and optimistic Sagittarius way, had a great day in spite of the weather), I could say that December is kind of a bleak looking and depressing month, with each day getting darker and darker earlier.
No wonder wassailing and under-the-mistletoe kissing and Glog/Nog/Grog/Gluhwein guzzling and all that Christmas stuff was invented to get the cold humans through this time of year.

On top of that I find myself becoming more and more cynical each year, at this time of year. Working in a retail type environment for over 20 years(and the last 17 as one of the busy elves staying up late to get every one's gifts built for Dec. 24 in the frame shop business) has done that to me. You work up until December 24th, then go back to work December 26th , after all that build-up.
Not to mention hearing the same songs over and over as background music at work, and then in the stores(right now, it's a tie between "It's A Marshmallow World" and that horrible "Man With The Bag" for worst Holiday song),
being assaulted by crass commercials right after Halloween trying to get you to buy more stuff and make you feel out and out guilty that your life isn't as jolly as the singing and dancing perfect people in those ads ,
being tired at the end of the long day(and short days have that effect on a body, too) but also having to bake cookies like Martha,
make sure the house is decorated like the neighbors--it seems like there is so much to do in such a short amount of time.
I honestly don't look at this time of year as my favorite time of year.
There. I said(wrote) it. I am a Grinch. That is the way it is.

I wish I could spend a Christmas in a cabin in a snow covered mountainside forest.
No shopping.
No "shoulds".
No full calendar.
Just a quiet place with a crackling fire in the fireplace, some Christmas carols, and a little contemplation. That image always comes to my mind by the third week of December when things get a little too crazy at work.

But...back to what I was going to write when I decided to write an entry this afternoon. That little bit of December magic started to work it's way into my soul today. Just a little.
Driving in to work, I liked the look of the bare trees and exposed stone walls and the griege colored moss on them. I liked the slant of light that I remembered from exactly the same time last year. A weak sun, but the world looked beautiful under it's weak winter light. A different kind of beauty at this time of year.

I like listening to the left-of-the-dial University radio station this month, too, because the DJ's play those great old jazz and swing Christmas-themed songs and they talk a lot, too, in between the songs, but it is like listening to old friends. The DJ I was listening to this morning as I drove in to work, (thinking that December wasn't so bad after all--when the sun shines on it), was one I had not heard in a while and was glad to know that after all those years she is still doing the Thursday morning show. She has a soothing voice and this morning I loved the way she said "chuckle" and "duet" and that she introduced me to a singer called Kevin Mahogany(how perfect a name is that?!).

And now that I am back home, it's a nice comfort to have my dog and kid here with me in this warm little house, a cup of tea made for me by my *sometimes* thoughtful daughter(we are going through a little annoying uber-teenage phase with her lately)by my side and George Winston's "December" album playing. It was R's idea to play it this afternoon and I had forgotten how this music calms me and makes me love this season a little more.

I'll never be a jolly old soul at this time of year, but I can always try to find those happy and good things, too. And sometimes, I don't have to try, even. Those good December moments can kind of sneak up on you. (like right now...I have to smile and feel happy as I listen to not only the exquisite voice of Ella Fitzgerald singing "Winter Wonderland" but my daughter singing along in the other room)